It is 2:04 am and I am usually fast asleep, but nothing is working tonight. I am wide awake and I don't like it. This is the busiest week all summer so I need my sleep, but of course..my mind doesn't understand that and it is constantly going and I can't seem to shut it down.
What a crazy summer this has been. It has went by so quickly. It seems like yesterday I was just getting settled back into town and this Saturday officially marks the end of summer for me.
This Saturday marks the end of a LOT of things in my life. I graduate collge this Saturday and I am nervous beyond belief.
I severly hurt my foot on Friday and ended up in the ER..so there is the fear that my foot will give out as I walk across the stage to receive my diploma...which i know..isn't likely..but everytime i close my eyes to go to sleep i see myself sprawled across the stage with thousands of people looking down and laughing...ridiculous right? I KNOW...i keep telling myself this and nothing is working. Then i try to negogiate with myself..."okay ashley...seriously..it'll take you 5 seconds to walk across stage and grab your diploma then you are DONE!"..but a lot can happen in 5 seconds lol. UGH...i'm asking you..whoever you are...if you are reading this..please pray for A.)my nerves and B.) that i really do NOT fall. lol.
Then there is the whole fear of actually graduating...what comes next? I have had a few interviews, but nothing solid, exciting, or promising. I got a GA position so at least i know i have grad school completely paid for..but otherwise everything else in life is a big question mark.
I always envisioned myself just buying a one way ticket to some place i've always wanted to live(the beach in nc) and flying out after graduation and not looking back...however practicality took over so that won't be happening.
I really would like this crazy week to fast forward to 10 mins after the graduation ceremony...then i will be fine..until then..i must figure out a way to deal with this ridiculous anxiety. Nyquil?
Went to see needtobreathe in concert again tonight....amazing is all i can say.
1 comment:
I am sorry about your foot, but congrats on your upcoming graduation. Don't stress over falling and tripping. Just take a bow if you do. It will make an otherwise boring ceremony fun, plus it will be a great story to tell your future kids. I have been where you are now, but I promise life works itself out. I just wish God would give up a road map of things to come! LOL
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