Okay, so...nothing like a beautiful fall day. Family sitting around the fire pit roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, laughing, joking...and then....the dreaded
"you've put on a lot of weight" comment.
Okay so it didn't happen quite like that. But my beautiful day was ruined when a family member told me that they saw a picture of me from a few years back and "DANG, girl, you use to be tiny!" Burn. Yeah, that didn't feel good. Actually twice in the last week that I have had that comment made....it hurts.
It made me think though. I really have put on the weight. About 4 years back I was just starting college, living on my own for the first time, and I made the decision to make the gym and eating healthy a huge part of my life...almost too much so. I lost between 60-70 pounds in about 5 months. It became an obsession....it's all i did. I would eat too much salad and punish myself by running miles upon miles. I could not function unless I spent hours everyday in the gym on the elliptical...never missing a Pilates or kickboxing class. I hid it,but i was so miserable. It was this horrible obsession of mine, losing weight! I did it though...i lost every single pound and I felt that I looked so much better! I had a TINY waist....i got more attention... the boys like me better lol...and my friends were in awe...but inside i was miserable.
Enter C. My lovely boyfriend he LOVES me the way I am. He was with me when i was skinny, and he is with me now! When we started dating I slowly got out of the horrible gym habit(the gym wasn't horrible, my obsession was) and i slowly started eating out again. With him I ate my first hamburger in years, ate my first french fry in years...and slowly started eating whatever he did! The problem being...it didn't affect him...but i packed back on the weight plus more!
I've known for a while that I need to get back in the gym. But a mixture of disappointment at myself and fear plus the worry of becoming an obsessive gym going freak has kept me from doing what needs to be done. HOWEVER, those little comments pushed me over the edge.
Starting Monday I will slowly get back in the gym. I don't know how I will do this without becoming an obsessive freak, but it will happen. I'm just having to pick a "place" and start...making 10 pounds my goal. Then another 10..then another...then hopefully it will become a habit and I will be on my way to getting skinny;) haha.
Why am i blogging about this? well....because I figure, even though i only have 4 followers...that if i put this on the Internet, i cant back out! It'll be out there. So Monday begins my diet journey...it won't be easy...but by this time next year...i'll be looking back at this so happy that i took that first step! SOOOO, if you happen to read this...and you have ever been on a similar journey..or maybe you want to take this journey with me..then let's do it!
Pictures coming soon!
2 comments:
That's the reason I started my blog, too. It didnt start out as a weight loss challenge, but just as a way to hold myself accountable. If you write it down, it's harder to deny it. Same reasons I take pictures of all the food I eat. For one, it's so pretty... hehe But secondly, it lets you look back and see what you're eating and when you put them all together, you have a harder time justifying the bad stuff. It's all about motivation.
BTW- I had a short lived turning point a few months ago... shopping with my daughter and boyfriend.... I ran into a friend of mine from high school, and she said "Oh, when are you due?" It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about... cause I wasnt pregnant. I just apparently looked like I was. I was heartbroken.... tho I guess not quite enough to want to change. I am ready to change now, tho... and I cant wait to get back to looking like I did in high school!
wow, i hate things like that!! taking pictures of food is a great idea for motivation, i'm going to give that a shot!
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